Why does anxiety make time feel so strange?
It really always blows my mind.
Where the fuck did August go and how is it almost September?! Okay, it’s only August 20th… but it FEELS like the month is already over. And I know I can’t be the only one! Every changing of the calendar month, I feel like a broken record—and really truly feel in complete shock that somehow another month has passed.
Every. Damn. Month.
If you’re someone who feels anxious about time passing, getting older, or not being where you thought you’d be by now, you might know exactly what I mean.
Sometimes time feels like it’s flying. Sometimes it feels like it has completely stopped. And sometimes, somehow, it feels like both at once.
It’s not just the passing of time, either. Time can feel downright strange when life changes in ways you weren't expecting.
Why anxiety can make time feel strange
Everything can start to feel blurry. What’s a weekday versus a weekend when you work from home? What does a school year versus school vacation even feel like when the routines you once knew have changed? And then, just when you adjust, something changes again.
This was especially obvious during COVID, when so many of our usual markers of time disappeared. But I think that weird relationship with time can happen during other major life changes, too.
Sometimes with trauma and traumatic things—and I say sometimes, because everyone is different and responds differently—it’s like time doesn’t exist at all.
Hear me out.
I am a generally anxious person, and time is very much always in my awareness. The passing of it or the lack of it, etc. This isn’t true for everyone, but is definitely true for me.
But after a sudden trauma, loss, or major change, that anxiety and connection to time can disappear.
Completely.
There is no time.
There is survival.
There is getting one foot in front of the other, trying to stay on top of all those things you think you should do or think you need to do. Trudging. Stuck.
Some people feel like time is moving incredibly slowly during this period, while others experience it as speeding up and passing “in the blink of an eye.”
All I know is that it’s different for everyone, very weird, and can feel really fucked up.
That’s my very (un)scientific understanding, at least.
When anxiety about time passing isn't really about time
Sometimes, I think our anxiety about time passing is about more than the calendar.
It’s about what we think we’re supposed to have done by now: the relationship, the career, the house, the family. The version of ourselves we thought we’d become.
And when you’re in your 30s or 40s, it can be especially easy to feel the pressure of time.
You may find yourself thinking:
Am I where I’m supposed to be by now?
Am I wasting time?
What if I make the wrong decision?
What if I wait too long?
What if everyone else is moving forward and I’m stuck?
What if I change my mind?
What if I don't actually want the life I thought I was supposed to want?
And sometimes that anxiety isn't really telling you that you’re running out of time.
Sometimes it’s telling you that you’re paying attention.
Maybe something about your life doesn't fit anymore. Maybe you're questioning a relationship, a career, an identity, or a decision you once thought was already settled. Maybe you’re realizing that some of the things you thought you should want aren't actually what you want.
That can be incredibly uncomfortable.
It can also be the beginning of something important.
What happens when you're stuck in survival mode?
After a major disruption, it can be hard to think beyond the immediate moment. You’re dealing with what’s directly in front of you. You’re making decisions. You’re putting out fires—sometimes literally. You’re getting through the day. And when you’re in that place, it can be difficult to imagine that your life will ever feel different.
There is no big-picture thinking. There is no five-year plan. There may not even be much of a tomorrow plan. There is just today.
That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
Sometimes getting through the day is the work.
But if you’ve been trudging and feeling stuck for a long time, it can be hard to remember that this moment isn’t necessarily where your story ends.
Is there anything you can do when time anxiety is getting you down?
Certainly.
There are lots of things that can help, and I’ll list some ideas below.
But before we get into the practical stuff, I also want you to know something else:
There is another side.
You won’t necessarily be in that trudging/stuck place where time disappeared forever.
Time keeps moving. The seasons keep changing (fall will literally be here before we know it!) Even when we get stuck and move in slow motion for a while, time just keeps on keeping on. There are some pros to this, but also some cons.
If the calendar changing to a new month makes you feel energized, use that energy in a positive way.
If it stresses you out, have some compassion for yourself.
And if you’re trudging and feeling stuck, know that you made it another day closer to the other side.
What can you do when you're anxious about time passing?
Here are a few things you can try when you’re feeling particularly stuck in your head—or particularly freaked out by the passage of time.
Practice mindfulness
This could be breathing, eating, movement, walking, yoga, stretching—whatever works for you. You don’t even have to do it for long. The goal is simply to take a moment to get out of your head and into the present moment.
Who cares what day it is?
What month?
What even is time, anyway?
Just breathe—or insert your own mindful thing—and spend a couple of moments doing that and nothing else.
Write a letter to your future self
You pick the duration.
It could be a quick note to your next-week self or even your tomorrow self.
Or it could be a proper letter for a year from now, or six months out.
Tell your future self how you’re feeling in this moment.
And recognize that your future self will, inherently, feel differently.
What do you want your future self to remember about today’s you?
How strong she is?
How crappy she’s feeling?
What she’s learning?
What she’s surviving?
Let them know.
Do something new
When feeling stuck or on autopilot, spice things up by trying something new. This can even be something very, very small (but still new to you).
And for this one, I would set a timer.
See, TIME? We can have some control over you, too! [Insert evil laugh.]
For 10 minutes—or however long works for you and your day—do the “new thing.”
It will help get you out of your head and into the moment.
And then, when the timer goes off, you can decide whether you want to keep going or move on.
Work on a puzzle
I fucking love puzzles.
I don’t think I could count the number of hours I spent working on puzzles after my fire.
So, so many.
Puzzles bring you into the moment in a safe and consistent way. They get you out of your head and give you something tangible to make progress on.
Real, literal progress you can see.
Even on good days, it can feel so completely fulfilling to match that perfect piece in the perfect spot.
And sometimes, when everything else feels uncertain, there’s something really satisfying about being able to see that one tiny thing fit exactly where it belongs.
What if I feel like I'm running out of time?
This is an important distinction.
Feeling anxious about time passing doesn't necessarily mean that you are actually running out of time.
Sometimes the anxiety comes from the pressure we put on ourselves to make the right choice quickly.
Especially when you’re at a crossroads, it can feel like every decision carries enormous consequences.
Should I stay or go?
Should I change careers?
Should I move?
Should I leave this relationship?
Should I finally admit that the life I built isn't the life I want?
And sometimes (most times) there isn't a perfect answer.
There is just the opportunity to get honest about what you want and make the next decision from there. You don't have to figure out the rest of your life today. You don't have to make every decision perfectly. And you don't have to live according to someone else's timeline just because the calendar keeps changing.
Sometimes the work is simply getting quiet enough to hear what you actually want.
You are not behind
I think this is ultimately what I want to say about time.
You are going to look up one day and realize another month has passed.
Another year.
Another birthday.
Another season.
That's just how time works.
But the fact that time is passing does not mean you are behind.
It doesn't mean you missed your chance.
It doesn't mean you should have figured everything out already.
And it certainly doesn't mean you have to keep living a life that no longer fits just because you’ve already spent time building it.
Sometimes time passing is exactly what gives us the perspective to realize something needs to change.
Sometimes getting unstuck isn't about controlling time. It's about getting back in the driver's seat of your own life. And if you’re currently trudging, stuck, overwhelmed, or wondering where the hell the time went, please remember:
You made it another day closer to the other side.
Frequently asked questions about anxiety and time passing
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Anxiety can make us hyperaware of time, deadlines, aging, and everything we feel we should be accomplishing. At other times—especially during periods of trauma, major change, or overwhelm—time can feel strangely slow or disconnected. Everyone responds differently, but a disrupted sense of time can be part of feeling overwhelmed or stuck.
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Sometimes anxiety about getting older is less about age itself and more about what you believe you’re supposed to have accomplished by a certain age. Relationships, career, family, identity, and other life expectations can create a sense that you're running out of time or falling behind. It can be helpful to separate your own wants from the expectations you've absorbed from other people.
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Feeling like you're running out of time can happen when you're facing a major life decision, transition, or crossroads. You may be worried about making the wrong choice or feel pressure to make a decision before it's “too late.” That feeling is real, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're actually out of options.
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Start by bringing yourself back into the present moment. Mindfulness, movement, doing something new, writing to your future self, or working on a puzzle can all give your brain a break from constantly thinking about what's next, what's already happened, or what you should have done by now.
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Therapy can give you space to slow down and honestly explore what is underneath your anxiety. If you're feeling stuck at a major life crossroads, therapy can also help you sort through competing expectations, clarify what you actually want, and build confidence in your next steps.
Sometimes the goal isn't to stop time from passing.
It's to make sure you're actually living your life while it does.
