Stuck Isn’t Laziness—It’s a Signal
If you’ve been calling yourself lazy lately, let’s stop right there.
Because most people I work with aren’t lazy.
They’re overwhelmed. Anxious. Burned out. Thoughtful as hell.
And feel really fucking stuck.
And stuck has a terrible reputation.
We treat it like a personal failure—like if you were more motivated, more disciplined, or more together, you’d already be past this.
That story is bullshit.
The Problem With Calling Yourself Lazy
When people come into therapy feeling stuck, it usually sounds like this:
“I know what I should do, I just can’t make myself do it.”
“I keep procrastinating and I hate myself for it.”
“I feel frozen.”
“What is wrong with me?”
There’s almost always shame riding shotgun.
Because we live in a culture that worships forward motion. Hustle. Productivity. Progress at all costs. And if you’re not moving? Something must be wrong with you.
But here’s what I see over and over again:
Stuck is not a lack of effort.
It’s a signal that something inside you does not feel safe moving forward.
And ignoring that signal doesn’t make it go away—it just makes you feel worse.
Being Stuck Is Often a Nervous System Thing (Not a Motivation Thing)
This is the part most people never hear.
When you’re truly stuck—not bored, not mildly unmotivated, but really stuck—your nervous system is usually involved. Which means this is not something you can fix by yelling at yourself harder.
Your system might be reacting to:
fear of making the wrong choice
fear of regret or loss
fear of being judged
fear of change (even good change)
fear rooted in older shit you don’t consciously connect to your current situation
When your body senses threat—real or imagined—it doesn’t give a fuck about your to-do list. It prioritizes safety.
Sometimes that looks like anxiety.
Sometimes it looks like overthinking.
And sometimes it looks like freezing completely.
From the outside, that freeze looks like laziness.
From the inside, it feels like:
“I don’t know which move is safe, so I’m not making any move at all.”
People Get Stuck at Crossroads—Not Randomly
Notice where you’re stuck.
It’s probably not in low-stakes areas of your life.
People get stuck at crossroads:
career decisions
relationship shifts
identity changes
moments after loss, burnout, or a big wake-up call
points where the old way doesn’t fit anymore—but the new way isn’t clear yet
These are high-stakes moments. Every option comes with uncertainty. Every choice involves loss.
So yeah—your system hesitates.
That’s not a flaw.
That’s self-protection.
Overthinking Is a Survival Strategy (Even If It Sucks)
A lot of stuckness shows up as overthinking.
You make lists.
You research.
You replay conversations.
You analyze every possible outcome from every possible angle.
And then… you still don’t move.
From the outside, this can look like avoidance. But internally, it’s usually an attempt to control uncertainty.
Overthinking is your brain saying:
“If I just think this through enough, I can avoid fucking this up.”
The problem is that some decisions can’t be solved in your head. They require emotional clarity, self-trust, and the ability to tolerate not knowing.
No spreadsheet can give you that.
Why Pushing Yourself Makes You More Stuck
If you’ve tried to bully yourself into action, you’ve probably noticed something:
It doesn’t actually work.
Or it works briefly and then you crash harder.
That’s because pressure increases threat. And when threat goes up, your nervous system doesn’t mobilize—it clamps down.
So if your internal dialogue sounds like:
“What is wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I just decide?”
“Everyone else figures this out—why can’t I?”
You’re not motivating yourself.
You’re making yourself feel less safe.
And that keeps you stuck.
What Actually Helps When You’re Stuck
This isn’t about “getting your shit together.”
What helps is:
slowing down instead of forcing movement
getting curious instead of self-critical
understanding what you’re afraid will happen if you choose
separating real risks from imagined catastrophes
rebuilding trust in your ability to make decisions—even imperfect ones
Stuckness often eases once the underlying fear is named.
Clarity doesn’t come from pressure.
It comes from feeling safe enough to tell yourself the truth.
You’re Not Behind—You’re Paused for a Reason
I know it’s uncomfortable to be here. The in-between place, the uncertainty, is always the worst.
To feel like time is passing.
To feel like other people are moving forward while you’re standing still.
To worry that you’re running out of time.
But being stuck doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It usually means you’re standing at the edge of change—and some part of you is asking for more support before it moves.
That’s not weakness.
That’s intelligence.
A Better Question to Ask Yourself
If you’re stuck and beating yourself up for it, try this:
Instead of:
“Why can’t I just get my shit together?”
Ask:
“What is this stuckness protecting me from right now?”
That question opens doors instead of slamming them shut.
And if you want help answering it—without judgment, pressure, or motivational bullshit—that’s exactly where therapy can help.
You don’t need to force your way forward.
You need to understand what’s holding you still.
And once you do?
Movement tends to come on its own.
I offer online therapy for women in New York and New Jersey who are stuck, anxious, and ready for real change—not just more coping strategies. If you’re done calling yourself lazy and want to understand what’s actually going on, let’s talk.
